We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
