Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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