I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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