Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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