Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
