is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
