6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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