apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
