Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
