I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
