My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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