Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
