how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
