It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
