my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
this hospital has no fireball
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
