she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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