all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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