do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
