took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
