This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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