All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
