I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
