6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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