i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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