so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
