Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
