You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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