She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
