Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
