You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please come you make the beer taste better
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
