You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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