The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I stole a fireplace last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
