Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
