May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
