i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
