theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
