alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize