It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
