Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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