Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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