strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
