What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
