I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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