She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize