meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
