What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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