Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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