Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize