saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
