my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think my fart just growled at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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