saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
