in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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