Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
