i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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