My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
