i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
