Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
