It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
