I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
