i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it hurts more in the daytime
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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