Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
