you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
