If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
