Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I supernannyed him into submission
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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