i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
