i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
