I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
